“Your hands are cold, just like your heart.”
I don’t know if he meant it as a joke, but when I remembered that phrase this morning, it didn’t make me laugh. And I couldn’t shake off that awkward feeling all day long. What had I done this time?
My outfit had been the right amount of sexy (wearing the new Somedays Lovin ‘Field Sparrow’ playsuit fresh out of the box and (rightly) forced on me by my manager, with a short pale denim jacket), I had been especially nice and sociable with his friends and got the high five approval from his best mate, I had taken them to new places, good and bad, but made sure everyone was having a good time.It looked like I had everyone under my spell. Except him.
We did end up kissing under the pouring rain at the end of the night but not remembering how it happened isn’t a good sign. Somehow, it bothers me that I might’ve passed for a cold-hearted bitch. So what if I did team up against brit boy with his bestie when he was sharing his personal stories? So I did persuade both of them to ditch their other friends to go to a party at 1301 because one guy in the group was extremely boring? I wasn’t the only one thinking it!
Maybe I do sound like a bitch.
What the hell is happening to me? Did I just get so jaded of being misled and disrespected that I turn it around and do it to others? Or am I just coming down really bad after this over-a-month-bender? I don’t feel physically bad, but I am definitely experiencing those emotional-hangovers more frequently. Like a nagging feeling I’ve either offended or exasperated someone without recalling how.
Maybe it is just time to slow down on the booze to reset my brain to its normal functionalities and give my wallet a much needed break.
At least the good thing about having those emotional hangovers is that it reminds myself that I do have feelings. Maybe I’m not that cold-hearted after all.