The more I see, the more I feel, the less I know.
I just turned 25. That’s big. And the last couple of weeks, despite my silence on this blog, have been absolutely epic. So epic that the other night when a friend that I hadn’t seen for 2 months asked me: “what’s the most epic thing you’ve done since I’ve last seen you?”, it took me a while to choose. I finally said “surfing with dolphins”. Even though I was the worst surfer in history, and the dolphins weren’t too close, and the weather wasn’t the best, the feeling I had when I saw them in Jervis Bay… Something jolted inside of me, I couldn’t stop squealing with delight! And sitting on my board, with no one else in Cave Beach’s water but my friend and me… what a rush.
That little surf-trip was the trip of a lifetime and I will never forget it for so many different reasons.
And then it was my birthweek. Yes, not birthday, birthWEEK. I’ve celebrated almost everyday with different people, for different reasons or no reason whatsoever: that place that played good jazz on Monday nights we’d never been, that restaurant I hadn’t eaten at yet… and then came the actual night of my birthday.
I’ve never liked Beach Road Hotel, but it was still, without a doubt, the best night I’ve had in Oz. I was so touched and so blessed to have all these people surrounding me, laughing, meeting each other, having fun.
Of course it wouldn’t have been a properly epic night if something dramatic hadn’t happened.
The last party warriors and I were tricked into going to another club in king’s cross (I really hated every venue of the night) and got left with a 190$ bill without our consent. Well we… my amazing boss from Surfection settled it…
Knowledge no1: never trust a 40 something year old man who promises to pay for taxis and champagne.
And then… well… of course I had to be a major drama queen myself, drunk, emotional, hormonal, and finished the night with tears streaming down my face in front of my surf trip companion and blissful friend.
Knowledge no2: stop drinking (25 different types of alcohol) while on periods.
Well I can blame it on whatever I want, but truly: The more I see, the more I feel, the less I know.
I did know pretty early on that in this land, everything I would experience would be big, every emotion is multiplied, every event is epic, every person I meet means so much more than they probably would have back in France or Singapore. And possibly, they mean so much more to me than I do to them.
Still I always forget. Or worse, those new experiences and emotions just make me more confused. I feel like I know as little about life as when I was 16. All I have is more memories. And probably more fun.
And now in the midst of all that confusion, I have to leave all (so little) that I know of this country, my Bondi bubble, my fav surf-shop and my board, my internship, my flat and… most importantly, the people, my friends.
I’m sad, but it might be good timing for a little Blue Mountains retreat.
Knowledge no3: I’m usually not one to run away from a crackled heart (on the contrary I usually make sure it’s well shattered, broken and out of breath before giving up) but this time, I’ll let the world whisk me away to other another land and give me a second heartbeat.
XoXo – from the Blue Mountains with Love